I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize