I feel great
I just peed on a car
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
