batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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