I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
