I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
