Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
