you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
