She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
