I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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