i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
