This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
