Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
