Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
