oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
