i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
