It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
