bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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