well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
