she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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