I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
