She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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