how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
