I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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