that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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