dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
