Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
