I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
