Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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