He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
