If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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