I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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