Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
