I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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