And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
