Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
