Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
