Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
