My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
