Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
