yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
