i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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