Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
