I didn't shave. On purpose
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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