I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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