just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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