the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
