Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
