dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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