I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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