Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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