Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
