Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize