and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
