We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to fling myself into the sun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
