Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
