I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
