to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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