I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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