How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
