i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
