Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
