found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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