i already hear my dad disowning me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
