This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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