My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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