So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
