My cat gives me a boner
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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