I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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