White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
