You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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