We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
