He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
