He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
