I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
