Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
