Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just high enough for therapy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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