did you get engaged???
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
