The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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